When You've Had a Few
by witbeyondmeasureXOX
Summary: Songfic to Arctic Monkey's Do I Wanna Know? Dan is going through a difficult time after his breakup with Phil and finds himself alone in a bar in the middle of the night. Several drinks later, a late night phone call stirs something inside of Dan and changes his whole course of action. Descending into oblivion is no longer an option anymore.


**A/N: This is my first time writing something that is not HP-related, and I was a bit nervous about it, but I really like how it turned out :) Please let me know what you think in a review. It's always nice getting some feedback. Happy New Year's everyone! **

**Disclaimers: Dan and Phil are real people and I have absolutely no idea what goes on in their personal lives. I just like the idea of them together :3 I also do not own the lyrics. They are copyrighted by Arctic Monkeys and Domino Recording Company. **

***Warnings: Minor alcohol abuse and coarse language**

* * *

When You've Had a Few

_Have you got colour in your cheeks?_

I down a shot.

_Do you ever get that fear that you can't shift the tide that sticks around like summat in your teeth?_

"Another, please."

The bartender looks at me, as if to say _are you sure about this?_ I just glare at him. "Fine," he sighs, then turns around to go pour me my drink.

_Are there some aces up your sleeve?_

The bartender returns with my drink and I mutter a thank you. He just grunts and goes about his business.

I tried so hard to forget about it all. Phil. That girl at the party. How badly I fucked up all that was good in my life. I just wanted all those thoughts and memories to vanish from my head for good, but no matter how hard I tried, they were still imprinted in my memory. Permanently.

So what do I do?

I drink.

_Have you no idea that you're in deep?_

_I dreamt about you nearly every night this week._

I swallow my medicine, and slam the glass down on the hard wood surface. When I lift my head up to see that there are mirrors lining the back of the bar, and it's as if I am seeing myself for the first time in weeks. To say I look like shit would be an understatement. My hair is a curly mess (I can't be bothered to do anything to it anymore) and my normally darker complexion looks as though it has been drained of all colour.

Sleep has been impossible lately. All I can think of is Phil and the agonizing look on his face when he saw me in the corner that night with a girl. The clouded memories of her tongue tangling sloppily with mine and the feeling of her hands all over my body make me feel sick to my stomach, but whenever I remember that moment I looked over to see Phil standing there as though he had just witnessed a genocide, it feels like I've been repeatedly stabbed in the chest.

And then I have to see him every single Sunday, pretending like everything is fine even though it isn't. It's so painful to see him and act like we are still best friends; almost unbearable, because I want it so badly to be true, but I have to do it for the sake of the radio show, the fans... and I guess for myself.

So I put on a brave face, smile, and fool everyone week after week, but there is no fooling myself. I will never be able to escape my guilt.

"Another two, please," I ask the bartender. He looks at me incredulously, but begrudgingly relents."Okay," he says filling two more shot glasses in front of me. I raise one of the glasses in front of him: "To forgetting!"

I drain both one after another.

_How many secrets can you keep?_

The truth is I have been in love with Phil ever since I laid eyes on him. Becoming friends with Phil was the best thing that had ever happened to me, that is, until the day I told him exactly how I felt about him. That was the greatest day of my entire life, because by some miracle, Phil Lester was in love with me too, and for those three months after, I was the happiest man alive. But of course, I screwed everything up. I screwed things up, like I always do.

"Another!" I practically yell, slapping the countertop. A full shot glass appears in front of me. And now it's empty.

I look at the time. It's only 1:30 in the morning, Phil would probably still be up.

I could text him.

But he doesn't answer my texts.

Why don't I just call him then?

He wouldn't want to talk to me...

Or would he?

I stare at my phone for a bit.

What do I have to lose?

"One more, barkeep!"

"As you wish" he replies.

_Do I wanna know_

I dial.

_If this feeling flows both ways?_

Ring.

Ring.

Ring.

Ri- Oh my God, I don't believe it! He's actually answering!

"Dan?"

"PHIL! I have to," I hiccup, "say something to you."

"God Dan, how much have you had to drink tonight?"

"Me? Drink? Noooooooooooo."

"Look, I only answered so I could tell you to stop calling and texting me."

"Wait wait wait wait wait, it's REALLY important! Please, you gotta listen!"

"Leave me alone Dan. Just forget about me, ok?"

"But I – "

"Goodbye Dan."

He hangs up. Just like that.

_Sad to see you go_

I look down at the full shot glass in front of me and the other empty ones.

"But I don't want to forget..." I whisper to no one.

_Sorta hoping that you'd stay_

I slowly put my phone down on the bar. My lock screen is still a picture of me and Phil.

I don't think I can do this anymore.

"I've got to see him!" I burst out, knocking over all the shot glasses.

"Shit!" exclaims the bartender.

"Sorry. Here!" I pull out twenty pounds. "Keep the change," I slur before running towards the door.

_Baby we both know_

I stumble out of the bar.

_That the nights were mainly made for saying things that you can't say tomorrow day_

FUCKING SHIT! It's so fucking cold out!

I gotta get to Phil's before I freeze my tits off.

Got to see Phil. Got to See Phil. Got to...

Vomit.

_Crawling _

_back _

_to _

_you._

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

_So have you got the guts?_

The brisk walk over here has sobered me up enough to know that this probably isn't a good idea, but the still inebriated part of me urges me to go on.

I raise my hand hesitantly in front of the apartment door. Oh God, I think I might vomit again. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe...

I bang on Phil's door loudly.

Several gut wrenching moments pass, and just when I think of turning back and aborting this ill-advised mission, there's a rustle of latches being unlocked and the apartment door opens wide to reveal a groggy Phil in his pyjamas.

"Dan, what are you doing here?"

_Been wondering if your heart's still open and if so I wanna know what time it shuts_

"We need to talk," I say as I saunter into the vestibule.

"Do you have any idea how late it is?" Phil says, irritated.

"Oh don't even pretend like you weren't up playing Animal Crossing," I tease.

"There's nothing more to talk about Dan," Phil says in frustration, but I can't help but smile. He's so adorable when he's sleepy. "We've been over this a million times."

"I know, I know, just –" I burp, "hear me out."

"You've already said enough. Now go home. You're drunk and you're not thinking straight. Nothing good will come out of this."

"Oh, but I can think of many good things that can come out of this," I say suggestively, inching my way closer to him.

Phil blocks me, putting his hand on my chest. "Go home Dan. It's over between us, you understand? Just move on already."

"But, you see the thing is, I can't... and I don't want to"

Phil is losing his patience. "Well, you have to! You know I've been seeing Susan for a couple of weeks now. I really like her, and I won't have you screwing this up for me."

"Oh come off it Phil," the corner of my lip curls, "you and I both know that you prefer men."

"You don't know a thing about me anymore Dan."

"Oh really?"

_I don't know if you_

I step in closer to him, but this time, Phil doesn't try to stop me. Instead he freezes, never breaking our eye contact.

"Well then, I guess that must mean that this will no longer have any effect on you," I say, lifting my fingers up to lightly sweep Phil's fringe to the side and gently sliding them down to cup his face, causing Phil to shudder. He closes his eyes and scrunches his face, clearly trying to cover it up, but he can't fool me. "Ah, so you do still like that," I smirk. "But Susan probably knows that, right?

"Now tell me, does she make you shiver when she touches you? Does she make your heart beat fast," Phil looks down as I place my hand on his chest "like this?" Mine is racing too.

"Let's face it Phil, I know you better than anyone," I say, leaning in closer. I whisper, "Maybe even better than you know yourself," bringing my lips dangerously close to his.

_Feel the same as I do_

He pushes me away. "Dan, STOP IT!" he yells. There are tears in his eyes. "I don't love you anymore. Why can't you just accept that?"

"Because you're lying!" I shout.

My head pounding, my eyes brimming with tears, I finally come undone. Phil is taken aback, not expecting this response from me. "I can see it in your eyes," I try to say a little more calmly, but my emotions take hold of me. "So don't, you _dare_ try to pretend that you don't love me anymore," I spit, choking back sobs. "I made a huge mistake, I know it. I was stupid and had way too much to drink. I wish I could go back and undo everything, but I can't. I realize nothing will ever be the same between us, but I can't stand not having you in my life anymore," I croak.

"What I want more than anything in the world is just to be friends with you again, because I love you so fucking much Phil Lester, so much that it's killing me! I would chop off my own feet, swim through a sea of placenta, even have my name legally changed to Mrs. Beliebers Forever, and I swear, I would never, EVER, have a single drop of alcohol again for as long as I lived if it all meant that I could have a chance at being your friend again."

_But we could be together_

I look deep into his blue eyes. Everything is blurry now. _"_I loved you right from day one Phil Lester. I will always be yours, and that will never change. But I finally get it now," I sob. "I'm just a worthless piece of shit and I don't deserve a shred of forgiveness. I'm so sorry that you ever met me Phil. I'll leave now, I promise," I sniff. "I'll be out of your life for good, and then you will never have to deal with me again."

With that, I turn to head out the door, leaving what was left of my heart behind.

_If you wanted to_

"Wait, Dan!"

_Do I wanna know?_

Phil grabs my wrist and spins me around.

_Too busy being yours to fall_

He looks me dead in the eyes.

_Ever thought of calling darling?_

"You're not worthless."

_Do I wanna know?_

I stand there in utter disbelief.

Phil's lips collided with mine.

_Do you want me crawling back to you?_


End file.
